Dan Appel Facts

Mind

Did You Know?

• During his prime, Dan Appel wrote under the pseudonym "Albert Einstein", cleverly hiding in plain sight as it is an anagram for his real name.
• Google Deepmind AI is actually just what Dan Appel does in his free time.
• You know that one guy you keep seeing in all the clickbait ads? The one who found the one weird trick that made doctors hate him? Yeah, that's Dan Appel.
• After inventing calculus, Dan Appel gave credit to Issac Newton, feeling bad for the lifelong virgin.
• The Nobel prize was invented because people needed something to award Dan Appel.
• Dan Appel's brain was implanted with cyborg computers but he took them out because he was smarter than the computers initially.
• The Yottabyte was created in order to measure the storage capability of Dan Appel's brain, being over 10²⁴ bytes.

Body

Did You Know?

• Dan Appel once accidentally defeated Chuck Norris while sleepwalking.
• Dan Appel was banned from his gym for violating the No Pets policy by bringing in two adult cows to bicep curl with.
• While doing pushups, Dan Appel actually just bench presses the entire earth.
• Dan Appel eats the skulls of his enemies for breakfast and then kills them.
• Searching "body of a greek god" into google images, simply results in a picture of Dan Appel.
• One time, Dan Appel leaned up against a hill while resting. Pushing off of it a little too hard, it fell off the earth and is now known as the moon.
• Dan Appel cannot wear long sleeved shirts because it is illegal to have concealed lethal weapons in public.
• Dan Appel also cannot wear long sleeved shirts because if he flexed his biceps would tear open his shirt.

Soul

Did You Know?

• Wonder why you don't read about Hadolf Atler, Hitler's much eviler twin? Dan Appel actually went back in time and killed him before he could end the world.
• Martin Luther King Jr. was heavily influenced by Gandhi, but lesser known is that Gandhi is actually Dan Appel's son, and took all the credit for what Dan Appel did.
• Noticing his students were getting bored during a lecture, Dan Appel started a little uprising, protesting for more liberties. That uprising's name? America.
• Most ancient mythology has been found by researchers to be traced back to the miraculous acts of Dan Appel when he was a travelling magician. Unlike other magicians, he did reveal his secret: he was actually a wizard.
• Dan Appel always donates to those really sad ads with the abused puppies.
• During the late middle ages Machiavelli took inspiration from how subjects under Dan Appel were afraid of how much they loved him.
• Dan Appel singlehandedly headshotted Osama Bin Laden with his bear hands. He gave the Navy Seals credit because Seals are his favorite marine mammal.